Chasing Happiness

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being." - Hafiz

I have been in pursuit of happiness for a long time now. To me, happiness means a certain light, carefree feeling inside when everything seems to be going well. I have experienced this feeling at different points in life but it did not stay for very long. I wanted to somehow capture it and make it stay. What I did not realize was that this feeling would stay only if it actually came from inside. In my case, it always depended on some external factors or other people… someone being nice to me, talking to intelligent and interesting people, visiting relatives, travelling, doing well at work or studies, receiving an email from a crush and so on.

Agreed that the external environment is important but often one becomes too dependent on it for happiness. We want something really exciting to stimulate that feeling. And when the excitement is over, the feeling goes away.

I used to think that I appreciate small things in life. But that was not the case. I was foolishly optimistic, believing that things would always turn out the way I wanted them to just because I had already had my share of pain and tragedy.


I looked for perfection in every experience. A day had to be perfect in order for me to classify it as a “happy” day. Otherwise I discounted it as not being completely happy.

Barring any extreme circumstances or tragedies in life, it is possible to be happy even when everything is not perfect, which mostly it isn't. What is inside, reflects outwards. On days when I don’t feel in harmony with myself, the world around me looks bad, awful, suffocating…  when I feel okay, things don’t look so bad.

I have yet to discover the key to lasting happiness but I believe I've taken the first step. I am aware now that my happiness is not dependent on life or other people treating me well but on how I treat and respect myself. That I am much more in control of things than what we call fate.

Happiness is about being fully alive and present in the moment, just enjoying being yourself, appreciating that daily cup of tea, the sound of rainfall, anything and everything random that plays a part in your daily life. Contrary to popular belief, nobody and nothing else has the power to "make" you happy. You and only you have that power.

Because now I need to communicate...

After a long time I am doing something that I haven’t done for a long time. Write for myself. Over the years, with my increasing focus on writing articles for the mass media, it has become more about what the audience would like to read. Though the subjects are of my choice, in such cases, a large part of the content is dictated by what will appeal to the readers and what goes with the profile of a certain publication.

Now I want to go back to what writing meant earlier for me. A tool for communicating what I could not otherwise...

I will not vouch for the high quality of the posts here. Consider them a rant… as a way to collect many thoughts which have been accumulating for several months or even years now. I am not an expert on psychology or human behaviour. I would just like to share my own experiences and insights. And welcome any comments/insights that readers would like to add here.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy

"Men are disturbed not by events but by the views which they take of them." - Epictetus

This video is an introduction to REBT and shows how the ABC model can be used practically in daily life to understand our emotions.

Healthy Shame vs. Toxic Shame

John Bradshaw speaks on shame and the difference between healthy shame and toxic shame. Based on his book 'Healing the Shame that Binds You'

Strengthening the ADULT

A very good explanation of transactional analysis - something everyone can use in daily life.

The Guest House - Rumi

(Translation by Coleman Barks)
 

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be cleaning you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent
As a guide from beyond.
 

Published by:
Harper San Francisco, 2004, ISBN 0-06-250959-4